Little Did I Know

Little did I know when I became pregnant

• that peeing would become a torture and a victory
• that "morning" sickness is a misnomer
• that bleeding and cramping don't signify the end
• that everything, not just your belly, changes shape
• that breast pads are essential even before the baby is born
• that I would suddenly start to like olives and crave meat

Little did I know when I went into labour

• that nurses could argue with you whether back labour was "real" labour
• that it would hurt in the way it did
• that I would forget all the pain
• that there's a right and a wrong way to push and being told you're doing it "wrong" in the middle of a contraction can make you the angriest you've been in your life
• that that many stitches could fit in my "down there."
• that after 30 hours of labour, two vaccuum extraction attempts, and being born sunny side up a baby could emerge without conehead and look so perfect.
• that, yes, you do actually shit in labour and no one cares, not even you

Little did I know before I had children

• that they're actually born with personalities
• that everything I did while pregnant or in those early days would be fodder for my guilt if anything went wrong with my children
• that little people could be so loud
• that little people could be so stinky
• that little people could be do messy
• that they're not actually little people, despite having personalities and bodies and spirits, they will always be extensions of me and at each moment looking at them would hurt like I had lost a body part and cause great joy like I had created a masterpiece.

 

How much it would cost? I had an inkling. How hard it would be? I sort of guessed. How wonderful it would be? I fully anticipated.

 

And yet each day catches me by surprise as I were a child myself.

 

That I didn't know.

And also that the most important thing I ever did or will do is them and everything about them. Even if I cured cancer, they are what I want to be remembered for.

What didn't you know?